The Undisputed Truth

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What Putin would say to Trump is he'd been shot with a dart of the Undisputed Truth serum from “Kill Bill.”

Donald, Donald, Donald. Being with you is always a pleasure. Ha. I always feel so much smarter in your presence, ha-ha. But seriously. Ha-ha-ha. Allow me to speak plainly. Ha-ha-ha-ha. To speak the unspeakable truth that we both understand …

Truth! Agggh!

What the fuck is "truth"...?

Agghh! 

Despite my years of practice, for chemical reasons, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to lie! What a "bummer," as you Americans say. 

How shall I put this …

Democracy is a fucking joke, yes? “All men are created equal.” Wrong. There are two kinds of people in this world. Winners and losers. Winners win, losers lose. That’s the way the world works. Winners don’t debate with losers. Winners don’t ask permission from losers. They just take what they want. “Democracy” pretends that’s not the way it is. But it’s an idiotic lie that only losers believe. You and I know better, Donald.

We are winners, you and I. Yes? Of course, yes.

Winners perpetuate this lie. To losers, the fiction of democracy is a comfy rationalization. “I’m not a serf! I’ve got a voice in the system!” Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, sure you do, loser. Put your shoulder to the wheel and your nose to the grindstone. Work will make you free, asshole.

It’s a sweet little grift we’ve got going.

But sell it to your peasants, not me. Do I have to state the obvious?

There is no “we,” Donald.

Stop smiling at me! That was not a compliment!

You fucking useful idiot! How shall I explain this so your simple mind would understand?

OK.

Hypothetically, Donald. If I found the most hateful cartoonist at “Krokodil” and had him draw a caricature of bullshit American democracy, that caricature would look exactly like you.

Donald Trump IS America. Get it?

You don’t get it. Seriously?

Why do you think we fucking helped you? Because we liked you?

Idiot!

When you crash and burn the losers of the world …

Stop crying, Donald. Please. This serum is …

Nevermind. Forget it.

You are still my friend.