Thursday, April 21, 2005

Tennesee Pride and Prejudice

It is said it's best not to know how laws and sausages are made.

Here's why.

"For flavor and taste we add Y-9D."

Mr. Odum says best not spill any of that there Y-9D on the ground. Any of that stuff leeches into the cemetary, we's gonna have a mess of them zombies. Just like we had at the last plant.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Loose Stool

Oh my God, sez somebody I thought had a higher IQ. Ya gotta see this video. It proves 9-11 was a conspiracy, yatta-yatta. If you watch very carefully, you see the second Twin Tower go back and to the left, back and to the left. It'll change your life.

So, OK. He hands me a copy of the DVD. I watch it. Yeah. It's life changing all right.

They prove 9-11 was a conspiracy with the same kind of rubber logic that proves the pyramids were built by an alien Masonic lodge. Lotsa question begging, assertion disguised as fact and circular reasoning. "Jet fuel fire isn't hot enough to melt steel. But the steel melted. Therefore it was a controlled demolition!"

But, for now, let's forget all this "fact" stuff. And, lets be clear, I'm no fan of George W. Bush. Bush's adventure in the Middle East is kind of like the Three Stooges showing up with saws and hammers and saying "Hi! We're here to fix your house!"

Facts aside, let's deal with mere logic.

A) Bush and friends are Machiavellian masterminds when they plot this elaborate Rube Goldberg scheme where they're switching planes, blowing up the Pentagon, the Twin Towers, disposing of witnesses, you name it. It all comes off without a hitch like a Mission Impossible episode. Bush is David Copperfield. He's Houdini. The whole fucking government is in on the conspiracy. Nobody talks. Nobody blows the cover story. It all goes down with flawless perfection and Bush and pals get the war they want.

And then, suddenly, these Machiavellian masterminds turn into the Three Stooges.

MOE: Where's Bin Ladin?
LARRY: I thought you had Bin Ladin.
CURLY: He was here a minute ago!
LARRY: Hey, Moe. They're looting the museum!
MOE: Shut up you knucklehead!
LARRY: Hey Moe. I think that girl likes me.
MOE: Which one?
LARRY: I dunno. They're all wearing veils. But she gave me this IED.
LARRY: Yeah, you know. (holds up bomb) So she won't get pregnant.
MOE and LARRY: Nyah, nyah, nyah!

B) These Machiavellian masterminds neglected to plant phony weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. I mean -- here they are -- they're putting controlled demolition charges in the World Trade Center, they spirit the unlucky passengers of Flight 92 to the Tennessee Pride meat packing plant in the dead of night. But -- once they get the war this shit was designed to create -- it's beyond the ability of these ninjas to plant some Plutonium or Sarin Gas at a convenient Iraqi location where our troops will "discover" it?

C) If it is a bloody frame job, why doesn't Bin Laden post a video saying: Hey guys. It's a frame job. I hate the Americans, but I have nothing to do with it. The Koran allows righteous jihad against the unholy, but not the slaughter of the innocents. I would not do such a thing. Clearly, this is the work of the unholy, immoral Americans. This is a pretext for war. For their unholy war ... I.e.: he'd get more points for denying responsibility than taking credit. He's taking credit. QED: he did it.

D) Or, let's say Bin Laden is a CIA stooge. A patsy. As any fan of film noir knows, you kill the patsy. He's got something on you. He might squeal. So you kill him. But he's not dead. More importantly: KILLING HIM IS NOT A MISSION PRIORITY. Therefore, we're not worried about Bin Laden squealing. Therefore he's not a patsy. Therefore, he's not pretending to be the cause of 9-11. Therefore, he did it.

Based on its own internal logic ...

The 9-11 conspiracy theory is a retarded mythology.

It's a retarded mythology that glorifies the morons at the top who've fucked up this particular challenge that history's thrown our way. Arrogance and stupidity don't explain their actions. No. They're godlike chessmasters. They're all-knowing, all-controlling, all-wise. They can't be stopped. We're helpless in their grip. There's nothing we can do.

Except watch this fucking DVD.