Thursday, January 11, 2001

Clone Jesus

Say, here's a great idea: Why not clone Jesus?

It ain't my idea. It's the core premise behind

Evidently, the resurrection wasn't good enough.

Evidently ONE resurrected Jesus isn't good enough. We need an ARMY of Jesuses -- like the clones of Hitler "The Boys from Brazil."

Yeah. You heard it here first. Some loonies want to clone Jesus, figuring there must be a stray cell or two in one of the leftover pieces of the “true” cross. I’m not shitting you. Behold....”The Second Coming Project”...

Clone Jesus

See? I'm not making this up. Evidently, there are people out there who want to clone Jesus. It’s such a freaking bizarre concept. I get this R. Crumb-y vision of an endless line of robed, grinning, identical Jesuses trucking towards us from the horizon. Tootling around the country in a tour bus. Mass bookings at the Holiday Inn: WELCOME JESUSES! All those Jesuses hogging the pool, doing that walking-on-water thing and scaring the kids.

Every Christian denomination, sect, cult, etc. could have its own personal Jesus.

Then, inevitably, would come the “OUR Jesus is better than your Jesus” conflicts.

Wait a second, we already have that!

One of the Jesuses could be a game show host. Like, say, on a reality TV show -- “Damnation Island”...?

ANNOUNCER: Jesus and 12 disciples are trapped for 12 weeks on Damnation Island! Our contestants are going to find out, being a disciple is a lot harder than it looks!

JESUS: One of you will betray me. At the end of 12 weeks, we're going to find out who!

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