Tingles the Christmas Tension

A brilliant comic parody by Rob Smigel. Enjoy ... Now listen, my children, and you shall hear Of someone who brings certain feelings once a year. It happens each winter, you'll hear his name mentioned: Tingles the Christmas Tension. Yo-dee-yo-die-deedle, deedle-ee-dee. Awkwardness and anxiety. Yeedle-dee-doo-deedle, dee-deedle dension. "I'm Tingles the Christmas Tension!" Now Tingles appears on the 23rd, Disguised as a phone bill, your home he's entered. He leaps out from hiding, up into the air, Sprinkling tension dust 'round everywhere. A dash can make Daddy a walking time bomb. He'll fly off the handle and yell at your Mom. A smidgen for Mom when Dad wants to snuggle Can make Yuletide sex quite a struggle. Tingles is there at the office celebration Inflating reminders of last night's frustration. When Dad sees an intern that he's never noticed, Joe from Sales says, "I'd sure like to fill all her quotas." And then, before you know it, oh Christmas is here. Relatives gather, drink, and look severe. And you kids may wonder, sometimes when you play, Why your parents can't take it around Christmas Day. It's all thanks to Tingles and his merry bag of dreams That turns whispers into screams. On Grandma, on Grandpa, on drunk Uncle Otto, On Cousin Kate with her little out-of-wedlock mullato. Spoodle-dee-spoo, and asky-pasky-penshion. "I'm Tingles the Christmas Tension!" "Oh you let your kids do that," says ol' Auntie Rose. And Mom's Mother-in-Law looks down her nose. Now you children, so happy and bouncing with glee, Are in for surprises from your family. Now Christmas is over but kids don't you fear, Tingles will be back spreading his vibes next year. He must make his way so we can all give attention "To Moples the Day After Christmas Depression." Yo-dee-yo-lee-doodle, doodle-ee-dent. Emptiness and disappointment. Yoodle-dee Tingles and Moples, too. Scooblee-scooblee-scoo.