Review: "Pet Sematary"

Just saw the remake of Pet Sematary. A scary movie and a respectable Stephen King adaptation. It also
offers many valuable lessons … 

• If you have kids and move to a rustic, rural home in Maine by a busy highway, be sure to put up a fence before you let them play outside.

• If you have a cat, keep it inside as well until you put up the fence. 

• If, despite your best efforts, a maniacal trucker flattens your cat, don’t panic. 

• Avoid pet cemeteries created by unknown people who can’t spell. 

• Avoid pet cemeteries where processions of creepy children in animal masks bury their dead pets. 

• Avoid creepy guys who look like John Lithgow. Above all, don’t let them talk to your child. 

• If a creepy guy volunteers to take your dead cat to a “special” pet cemetery beyond the official “Pet Sematary,” politely decline his offer. 

• Cremate your dead cat for best results. 

• If a maniacal trucker flattens your child, don’t dig them up and bury them in the “special” pet cemetery.

• Before moving to Maine, research the property to make sure it’s not near any cursed real estate. 

• To stay on the safe side, don’t move to Maine at all.