Bringing in the Sleaze

There I am at the Y, staving off the inevitable decay of the body. Running. They've got this B.F. Skinnerite carrot-stick stimulus-response bank of video monitors in front of the running machines. It's set up so each machine has a tube in front of it; you listen via earphones. They call it "Cardio Theater," but it's, essentially, "Sexual Torture Theater." Right now, there's this bump-and-grind Hawaiian bodybuilder chick. "Konalicious" or something. Big workout session on the beach. She's

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And now it's time for the old showers, yas. Up above the lockers, the wall-mounted, Orwellian TV tube is showing vidclips of Perfect Weddings. The gleeful, shouting announcer says …

ANNOUNCER: ...expense you plan to outlay for the wedding, it's a good rule of thumb to figure at least 15 to 25 percent should go towards documenting the wedding. Try to document as much as possible -- and don't skimp on the photographs! A good mat is only a few dollars more than a cheap one. And, these days, documentation also includes videography. You'll find...

Into the shower I go, washing the human stink off me, including grass and lawncrap as I hit the gym directly from lawnwork, stinky bastard that I am. Leaves, dirt, sweat: down the drain it goes like Zhora's snakescales in Blade Runner spiraling down...

Watch her take the pleasure from the serpent that once corrupted man...

Shower done. Back in the locker area. Shining white wedding images still flashing on the tube. Two yuppies are talking:

YUPPIE: My daddy always said it's as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as it is a poor one.

YUPPIE #2: Yeah, well. I'd try to find a good-looking rich girl if I could...

YUPPIE: That don't matter after awhile.

YUPPIE #2: And you can always pay to make 'em look beautiful. A little liposuction...

YUPPIE: I don't think I'd do that.

YUPPIE #2: You wouldn't?

YUPPIE: Nah. The good-looking ones are too high-maintenance...

Hahahaha.

Well, just another slice of life, I guess.

And on the ride home I found myself singing . . .

"Bringing in the Sleaze"
(to the tune of "Bringing in the Sheaves")

Join in Satan's chorus
Whores and finks are for us
Ask your agent Morris...
Bringing in the sleaze!

Paybacks, deals and favors...
Contracts full of waivers...
There must be slaves and slavers
Bringing in the sleaze!

Bringing in the sleaze
Bringing in the sleaze
We shall come rejoicing
Bringing in the sleaze!

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