Don't Fear the Reaper

Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks. Ignore this if you're not in the mood. 

It really is a beautiful universe. Hurricanes and earthquakes and sharks don't really spoil it, they are what they are. Even people are basically beautiful -- except for occasional pustule bursts of rottenness, a Charlie Manson here, a Mr. Monstermolester with bodies in the crawlspace there. 

I'm convinced human evil is rooted in illusion — a symbolic realm of mental categories. Chapman kills Lennon because he thinks Lennon is X, Hitler kills the Jews because he thinks they're Y, and that fucker in the shadows attacks you with a chainsaw because he knows you're broadcasting evil thoughts inside his head. It's all bullshit. (Though you're just as dead when some loony who thinks he's Ahab stabs you with a harpoon because he thinks you're Moby Dick.)

I think humans are messed up because we're halfway between being animals operating on pure instinct and something else. We're conscious -- not only that, we're self-conscious. It drives us crazy. (Cats don't know they're going to die so they just do what cats do. Cats don't think "Oh god, 
oh god, if I run out in the street the car will run over me and kill me better watch out for cars what if it's going too fast I'd better..." -- the cat just does what it does and if a car comes at it the cat reacts in the NOW and either gets killed or doesn't.) 

Humans know they're going to die. This knowledge fucks us up. Humans get twisted, become inhuman. All our bullshit comes from the attempt to kill consciousness — because when you're REALLY conscious, right there in the shining doorway there's the Grim Reaper with the scythe waving "Hi! Howzit going?" And yer mind reacts with: "It's death! It's DEATH! AUGGHHHHH! I don't wanna be conscious anymore!"

(One of my mini-enlightenment experiences was seeing that everything I did, was, thought, the persona I projected in the world -- ALL OF IT -- was created by the fear of death -- and it was the same goddamn thing for 99.9999% of the human race. And, of course, the fight to survive is fear by another name -- fight and flight are just two halves of the same coin. It's the way we're wired. The fear of death runs us. It's the key.)

We blot out this lurking fear with booze or drugs or religion or work or being busy or distracting ourselves or accumulating lots of stuff or by killing somebody who symbolizes what we hate/fear, or joining death's side, identify with death and killing ourselves, or by competing for points in some interior 
mental rating system (my car's bigger than your car! my job's better! I'm a winner! I win!) as if reality was a fucking gameshow, or by holding onto some symbolic territory that validates us -- ego in other words. The ego is always at the wheel. It's all about getting our minds off that scythe.

The next evolutionary step is to look Mr. Reaper in the eye and stay conscious. 

You can see this approach in the Buddhist thing, Gurdjieff's teachings, the Grateful Dead, various paths to enlightenment. 

It's a constant fight, but it's also subtle. It boils down to saying: Fuck the scythe. I'm going to die, so what? 

This acceptance isn't the same as embracing death and nothingness. It ain't nihilism -- it's just being conscious of that blank spot, the nothingness. Can't run away from it -- the Scythemaster's just there, always. At the same time if a mad 
dog is chasing you you run away -- or sometimes kick the dog -- because that's what humans do. Non-attachment, not detachment. Dealing with the fear of death is what you have to do to get through that door. 

When you get through the door, everything's exactly the same. Nothing's the same. 

It sounds like a bullshit paradox. As if God's the Joker and He's fucking with us. 

JOKER GOD: Hoo-hooo-hoooo....I'll make a universe where you can have anything you want, just so long as you don't want it anymore! Hoo-hoo-hoo! If you're afraid of something fear will create its object and the thing you fear will become, real -- now don't be afraid, my children! Wisdom will come when you realize you understand nothing! Did I mention that the way to be truly alive is to live as though you were already dead? Hooo-hooo-hooooo!

The truth (and this is something I intuit, not something I can nail down) is the paradox ain't God's fault, ain't the universe's fault -- it's wired into us, it has something to do with language and how we define reality, not that this helps in any way whatsoever. 

I think evolution lies thataway -- where Kesey's going on that bus. The alternative is ego, territory, this is mine, that's yours -- the bullshit and the illusion and all the bloody murder that it brings.

"The best thing that anybody's ever come up with is to sit under a tree and do nothing."
—R. Crumb